Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
