never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
