I wish my penis had an off switch
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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