i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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