I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
