he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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