u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
