My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
