i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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