take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
