i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
