Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I met the friendliest cop last night
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
