I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize