brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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