apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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