She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
