The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
