By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
