guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
