Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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