I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
