u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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