I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
