Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
