I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
