so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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