yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
