pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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