nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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