he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
