Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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