did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
