funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
3 2 1 whiskey
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
