She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
