Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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