i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
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