okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
