Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
