apparently the secret to your success is patron
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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