After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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