We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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