You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize