I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
