You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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