omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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