She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
