i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
