Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize