I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
