I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
