Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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