The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize