You're my little dorito
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I deserve this hangover.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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