We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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