dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
