Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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