i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Randomize