you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize