Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
