Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
