I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
