Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
