She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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