So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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