woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
