im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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