I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
