genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Bring me that man meat
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
