Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
