My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize