May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
handjob tips. give me some.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
