You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
