I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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