Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
