I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
