At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
